InternationalJust how Armenian are you?
Published: Tuesday July 20, 2010
Mount Ararat as painted by Martiros Saryan.
Haverhill, Mass. - A rather lengthy dissertation crossed my path by way of Detroit from good friend Harry Derderian.
Subject: All new!! You're an Armenian if ...
It contained a list of 50 reasons why you should be proud to be an Armenian, none of which borders your name, background and hereditary make-up. For lack of a better column this week, allow me the opportunity to respond to some of these analogies:
"1. You have at least one hand-woven Persian rug at home."
We're waiting to inherit ours. My mother has one with Mayr Hayastan woven into the framework that was handed down from generations. Only trouble is, everyone else in the family wants it, too. Her consensus? Fight over it.
"2. You have at least one wooden mosaic inlaid tavlou board in your closet."
Thanks to a craftsman cousin, I have one that he gifted me a year ago with magical powers. Thus far, I'm unbeaten on the set. He made six of them and gave them away as Christmas gifts. The others don't seem as fortunate.
"3. When on vacation, you look for Armenian last names in the telephone directory."
I remember once as a 19-year-old being stranded in Paris after my billfold was stolen and I had no money with three days to spare before my ship took off for America. Picked up a phonebook, turned to the A's, stumbled upon the name Aaronosian and dialed the number. They treated me like along, lost brother. How many of you would have done the same with a stranger calling?
"4. Your mom goes to the grocery store and spends an hour trying to save a few pennies off her shopping."
I remember seeing mine one day open the lid to a container, take a sniff, then replace it on the shelf. The clerk caught her in the act and told her she had to buy it. My mom was cagey. "Can't," she told the clerk. "It's already been opened."
"5. Your grandfather walks with his hands locked behind his back twirling worry beads."
I tried this once inside a bank and the string broke. Beads rolled all over the floor as I tried retrieving them on my hands and knees. I was a nervous wreck by the time I was done.
"6. Your parents pull over the car to pick grape leaves from someone else's land."
The last time I helped my mom do this, I paid the ultimate price. How was I to know there was a poison ivy plant?
"7. You have a picture of Mount Ararat hanging in your house.
Mine tends to be very sentimental. It's actually an oil painting given to me as a gift by a 90-year Armenian Catholic priest inside a monastery I visited in Vienna. It's held a venerable place in my home-and heart-since 1960. It shares company with the "Hayr Mer" and the famous William Saroyan quote.
"8. No family dinner is complete without a surplus of food."
I can relate to this. The table usually sags with food whenever there's a special occasion. "Whatever you can't finish, you take home," comes the word.
"9. You've got a cousin who always has to lead the circle dance with a handkerchief in his hand."
With me, it's an uncle. He tends to be the family show-off but I give the guy credit. He gets everybody up on the dance floor whether you're a wallflower or not and seldom acts his age. He usually wears a black shirt and white tie, causing a few snickers from the crowd.
"10. You have an uncle or aunt with gold teeth that shine in family photos."
My grandfather had a gold tooth and we always assumed he was loaded.
"11. You've got a friend who is always e-mailing you Armenian-related news stories about genocide resolutions and other hot topics."
Make that 25 friends. My screen each day is filled with such memos. Although I appreciate such
interaction, let it be known that I still work for a living and can't possibly read everything that's sent.
"12. You have your fortune read from an Armenian coffee cup."
I'm still waiting for that fabled bird to bring me news that I've inherited a ton of money from a wealthy relative I never knew existed.
